Breaking Point

I've been a little absent from updating this blog lately. We were gone all last week with some youth group kids at camp and I didn't make it to a computer all week long!

Okay, here's what's going on. One night at camp, the speaker talked about rejoicing in your sufferings. Romans 5:3-5 says, "Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; ⁴ perseverance, character; and character, hope. ⁵ And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us." This verse has been kind of a theme in our life since that night at camp.

It's pretty easy to say that we will rejoice when things are hard, but not so easy to actually do. I'm not going to say that I've been suffering, things could be so much worse. Really, there aren't many people in middle-class America (albeit lower middle class) who are actually suffering, but things definitely haven't been easy around here lately.

Since we've been home (4 days), we've had several things on our cars break...randomly. None of them are that big of a deal but for some reason super frustrating (&annoying). Example? Sure. The passenger's window on my van is stuck down and refuses to come back up, so yesterday I drove 75 mph on the interstate with the window all the way down. Not that big of a deal, but Bennett didn't like this at all and decided the best response would be to scream for the majority of the 40 minute drive. Nice.

Bennett is normally a really well-behaved, go-with-the-flow, sweet kid. Enter eye teeth, vacation-vbs-camp all in 3 weeks, and generally sin nature. I know my sweet boy is still in there deep down. There are glimmers of hope, but at the moment...I'm a bit overwhelmed. Suddenly he is very opinionated, stubborn & strong willed. I guess he's always been that way but now he can verbalize it better. There's been lots of saying "no", food throwing, nap refusing & general crankiness & at least two of those things aren't coming from me.

I know that things aren't that bad. I know this. I know that it's petty that I'm so frustrated by all of this. I guess maybe I just needed to get it all out there. I know that through all of this God is teaching me patience and I'm praying for more & more every minute.

Reading back over this post, I just feel stupid. I guess that was the point. I'm not really suffering at all. God gave me an amazing little boy to raise and teach about Him. Bennett has a voice to tell me "no" and breath enough to scream with. He's lively enough to make it through a day without a nap (even if he's cranky) and we have food to put on the table for him to throw back at me.  For all that I am thankful. I have a vehicle to get me where I need want to go, regardless of the position of the window. How well am I showing Bennett Christ's love when I am so frustrated with him? How ungrateful am I being by complaining about a nonessential part of a gift of a vehicle? Perhaps our theme should be "rejoice in your discomfort"...and who is called to be comfortable anyway?